Boots & Sabers

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0840, 22 Mar 19

“faux profundity that a teenager would say after a gurgling bong rip”


Famously, of his run for president, Beto said, “Man, I’m just born to be in it,” a statement of his own sense of anointedness that sounds less like a serious assertion of political purpose and more like the kind of faux profundity that a teenager would say after a gurgling bong rip.

This is why, when expounding upon his own talent for speaking at rallies, Beto, who does not prepare his remarks in advance, seemed to understand himself as a channel for divine inspiration. “Every word was pulled out of me,” he said. “Like, by some greater force.” And this is why he said that going up against Donald Trump was a battle of good versus evil, akin to, “every epic movie you’ve ever seen, from Star Wars to Lord of the Rings.” In his mind, Beto is flying the spaceship; he is carrying the ring to Mordor. His primary preoccupation seems to be with his own journey, his own sense of destiny.


0840, 22 March 2019


  1. Kevin Scheunemann

    Somehow, the hit and run drunk driver, who needs his daddy to get off from any severe consequence is suppose to be the “good” in this scenario?


  2. jjf

    Hey, it would be even crazier if a politician thought that God told them to run, wouldn’t it?  Or that God wanted them to win?  Imagine that!

  3. Kevin Scheunemann


    Not really.

    Hit and run crime is pretty bad.

  4. dad29

    “Bad” doesn’t really cover a guy who made his wife eat a baby’s turd after he loses a Senate race.  So she is “cleansed”, like he is–but he only ate some dirt.

    “Psychotic” is more apt.

  5. jjf

    Dad29, what’s your source for the turd story?  She ate it?

  6. Mar

    Jjf, there is ample evidence that he did give his wife some poo as a prank but no evidence she did or didn’t eat. But using liberal logic, she must have eaten it.

  7. jjf

    Again, show me the ample evidence, show me a source.  I know there was a story.  Is it a source you otherwise trust?

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