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I realized recently that there is a limit to my empathy.  I have endured the death of my father, my brother, uncles, aunts, grandparents, step-father, etc.  I don’t say this to garner sympathy.  I am by no means unique in this regard.  But the truth is that I have built up some mighty breastworks within my heart that even I can not breach. 

In the real world, what this means is that there is a limit beyond which I can no longer empathize with my fellow man.  I can’t.  I reach the point of dark humor - or gallows humor - that is the limit that my heart can bear.  I would love to reach further and cry with those around me who have lost, but I fear that I could not do so without completely crushing myself in the process.  There is an art to the self-preservation of the soul in which I engage - even without knowing it. 

I know no other existence. 

Posted by Owen at 2121 hrs
Off-Duty

1. Boy, between the two of us and our recent blog posts, we’re just a barrel of laughs, aren’t we?

   Posted by (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on April 24, 2008 at 2142 hrs




2. You kind of worry me when you post stuff like this.

   Posted by Cindy on April 24, 2008 at 2231 hrs




3. Owen, with all do respect, and not to minimize your feelings, but imagine not only dealing with your own emotional burdens, but trying to help dozens of others, day in and day out.

   Then, my friend, maybe, just maybe, you could begin to understand why I take the positions I do.  If I gave up on these people, I could not forgive myself.

   And there is nothing wrong with dark humor.  My colleagues and I use it everyday.  It is a natural defense to help the mind from breaking.  It helps buffer the pain until one is able to deal with it fully.

   Posted by capper on April 24, 2008 at 2301 hrs




4. Life is a hardening experience and some of us experience more hardening experiences than others.  Some of us come through with more empathy, others with less (I’m in the less category as well).  The shell is protective.  However, your wife doesn’t seem to exhibit any of the bitterness or sarcasm one might expect if she were feeling the hardness.  So, my guess is the shell is shed with your loved ones.  If that is the case, I wouldn’t worry. 

   But look at the shell another way.  Crying with someone isn’t always the best way to help them—and they can probably always find someone to cry with them.  There are times you help someone knowing it is the right thing, even if can’t feel the empathy anymore.  Sometimes you can see your inability to empathize as an ability to do what is needed without being clouded by the tears and fears. 

   It is important, however, to realize that the opposite of your feeling a lack of empathy should not be contempt.  Knowing you are having that lack of feeling should make you a little more careful about judging others—knowing that you are unable—for the moment anyway—to bring an important part of your soul to the judgment.

   Note to self.

   Posted by (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on April 25, 2008 at 0528 hrs




5. I agree, mamma.  That’s why I recognize it as empathy - not sympathy.  I remain fully sympathetic to others’ plights.  There is just a limit beyond which I can no longer put myself in their shoes - even if I’ve been there.

   Posted by Owen on April 25, 2008 at 0615 hrs




6. Someone much smarter than me said something I’ve never forgotten, and continue to admonish my children with:

   Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.

   Posted by tee bee on April 25, 2008 at 0840 hrs




7. Recently, our family pet, Courtney, died.  I gave her remaining “crack bones” to a friend who also has Doxens.

   I stated that “she just won’t chew them anymore.”

   He said I was twisted, but that’s just the way I deal with loss.

   I also blame Don whenever something else breaks on the Trams Am.

   Posted by (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on April 26, 2008 at 1034 hrs




8. Do you still have that Trans Am?  We’ll have to go for a spin the next time I’m in the area

   Posted by Owen on April 26, 2008 at 1039 hrs

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