On the Peanut Butter People

I agree with Harvey.

So, when you make a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, do you spread the jelly on the peanut butter, or spread each on their own slice of bread?

‘Cuz frankly, I’m with the duck on this one - there’s just something deeply unnatural about you “on the peanut butter” people.

You have two pieces of bread and two ingredients.  It’s not that hard. 

1. It has to be spread on the peanut butter, because the other slice is well slathered with butter (which is too mushy to cover with jelly).

   Posted by Sandi on May 18, 2008 at 2156 hrs




2. Um...for some reason or another, I put it right on the peanut butter.  Tradition...or some deep-rooted psychological cue, I don’t know.  But I do know one thing: PB&J;sandwiches are excellent.

   Posted by Brandon on May 18, 2008 at 2253 hrs




3. I put peanut butter on both sides and the jam on top of the peanut butter on one side.  Otherwise the bread gets soggy.  Ew.

   I grew up with it made like Sandi does it.

   Posted by on May 18, 2008 at 2300 hrs




4. I suppose you ‘on the second piece of bread’ people insist on using a second knife to spread the jelly, too.  According to my calculations, that makes ‘on the second piece of bread’ people major contributors to global warming, er, climate change as well.

   In addition, if you have established correct posture while spreading the peanut butter you can continue that positioning while spreading the jelly on the same piece. If you choose to use the second piece, you must alter your feet to maintain proper posture, making your sandwich preparation more inefficient. If you do not change to maintain posture, you risk serious spinal micro-trauma, carpal-tunnel, or death.

   Mr. Duck, have you ever thought about that?

   No matter, I love roast duck.

   Posted by Steve Burri on May 18, 2008 at 2303 hrs




5. Two pieces of bread??  You use one piece of bread and pile on the peanut butter and jelly (strawberry of course).

   Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 0416 hrs




6. Freaks of nature!  What’s wrong with you people!!!!?

   Posted by phel on May 19, 2008 at 0633 hrs




7. Butter on one side, PB on the other, lick the knife when mom’s not watching and put the jam on the butter side, just like mom. She’s an impeccible Southern cook, so I’m sure she knows what she’s doing.

   In the case of the PBH, you would indeed put the honey in the PB, mixing to the proper consistency so the honey doesn’t run out the sides when assembled.

   I think someone’s mistranslated the directions from the original manual, crossing up the two techniques.

   Posted by tee bee on May 19, 2008 at 0750 hrs




8. Oh, Owen, Owen, Owen.  Do you never tire of being on the wrong side of the argument? 

   Next you’ll tell me that you slice the PB&J;on the bias instead of straight across as the New Testament tells us.

   

   Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 0814 hrs




9. Blasphemy!

   Posted by Owen on May 19, 2008 at 0845 hrs




10. slice 1; LOTS of PB.
    Slice 2; your favorite jelly or jam.
    combine slice 1 & 2.

    College people, sheesh!

    Posted by Billiam on May 19, 2008 at 0920 hrs




11. I’m with Steve - do you “separate slice” people also use two knives as well?  I mean, it kind of defeats the purpose of avoiding cross-contamination if you spread one ingredient on each slice but use the same knife to forage in the two jars

    Peanut butter first, then jelly on top.  Strawberry, of course.  If you’re making more than one sandwich, apply the peanut butter to all sandwiches first, then proceed with the jelly.  You people putting butter on your sandwich must have been dropped on your heads as children.

    Posted by Recess Supervisor on May 19, 2008 at 0943 hrs




12. Yes.  Two ingredients = two knives.  Jelly and PB have different decay rates and I don’t want rotten jelly mixed in with the PB that’s still good.

    Posted by Owen on May 19, 2008 at 1003 hrs




13. It’s peanut butter on one side and jelly on the other. But all of y’all with the whole “second knife” thing, that’s a straw man argument to divert attention away from the weakness of your both on one side argument. When you’re done with the peanut butter (if you do the jelly first, that’s perfectly fine), you simply clean the knife thoroughly on one of the slices of bread.

    I have to agree with Recess Supervisor on one thing, though. You folks that mess up a perfectly good PB&J;with butter must have been dropped on your heads as children.

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 1008 hrs




14. The peanut butter and the jelly must enjoy its own freedom on its own slice of bread, even if for a brief moment in time.  Each must be allowed to “do its own thing” before once again meeting on the lunchtime battlefield.

    Then, once they have basked in the glow of independence and condiment sovereignty, they must be carefully pressed together to unite and coagulate into the greatest and most powerful sandwich on the face of God’s green Earth.

    Peter Pan crunchy, Smuckers grape, two slices of Brownberry Wheat bread, and one knife.  Heaven.

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 1010 hrs




15. One knife!!! That’s what the second piece of bread is for—to wipe the excess jelly off before dipping into the peanut butter. And, yes, you use the jelly first because you get a cleaner knife than if you try to wipe the excess peanut butter onto the second piece of bread.

    Correct order:
    1. dip/spread jelly onto piece one.
    2. wipe excess jelly off of knife (both sides) on piece two.
    3. dip/spread peanut buttery goodness onto piece two.
    4. carefully align piece on and piece two.
    5. eat/repeat if necessary

    Posted by Fuzz on May 19, 2008 at 1014 hrs




16. You are plagarizing Pelican Pants.

    Then, once they have basked in the glow of independence and condiment sovereignty, they must be carefully pressed together to unite and coagulate into the greatest and most powerful sandwich on the face of God’s green Earth.

    Obama gave that speech to his daughters one morning while packing their lunches.

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 1021 hrs




17. -Butter both pieces
    -apply peanut butter to 1 piece using the edge of said piece to squeegee the penaut butter off of the knife
    -use same knife to apply jelly on top of peanut butter

    I was shocked to find out not everyone puts butter on their PBnJ

    A girl I dated told me that if butter was intended to go on PBnJ it would be called PBBnJ (peanut butter, butter, and jelly)

    To which I rebutted that the exclusion of butter in the acronym is not indicative of exclusion from the sandwhich itself, as evidenced by the fact that there is no “bread” in PBnJ its just “given” that you have bread and “given” that you’d have butter.

    I’m quit shocked to hear about how many “non-butter” PBnJ’ers there are out there.

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 1029 hrs




18. You’re probably right 3rd Way.  I suppose that’s why I notice people fainting when I make a PB & J. 

    And in regards to this ‘butter with the PB & J’ controversy, I have two words for you: BL - ECH!!

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 1035 hrs




19. One knife vs. two knives is a battle that nearly cost us our marriage.  I’m a one knifer, Owen uses two. 

    But he does the dishes now, so I use two knives AND a real plate.

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 1119 hrs




20. If you only put peanut butter on one side, how do you create the impenetrable peanut butter barrier that prevents the jelly from leaking out of the sandwich?

    And what is with two knives?  You use a spoon to get jelly out of a jar.

    Slather on the PB on both slices, creating the slightly raised edges for the eventual, and critical, PB barrier.

    Drop spoonful of jelly onto one side.

    Spread jelly with knife used to spread peanut butter, keeping jelly short of peanut butter edge.

    Lick gooey peanut butter/jelly covered knife clean.

    Finish assembling sandwich, careful to have opposing raised edges lined up so they can properly join to lock in the jelly.

    This is of course AFTER you toast the bread.  I mean we aren’t savages who have to eat untoasted bread..., right?

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 1134 hrs




21. People, we must put aside our petty differences and in the end remember that there is not one slice or two slice America, not butter or no butter America, not strawberry states and grape states, not crunchy and creamy states, just the United States of America.

    Are you with me?  Are you fired up?  Are you ready to go?

    And with that, the second coming will secure the support of elementary school lunch tables across this great nation.

    Posted by Recess Supervisor on May 19, 2008 at 1140 hrs




22. Hey Lefty! Toast is ok if you like PB running down your forearm! Man, next thing you know, you’ll want the crust cut off!

    OK, other than Homemade, what’s the best BREAD for a PBJ? I like either whole wheat, or Brownberry Oatnut. Still, nothing tops Homemade

    Posted by Billiam on May 19, 2008 at 1545 hrs




23. Hey Lefty! Toast is ok if you like PB running down your forearm!

    And crumbs all over the place…

    No toasting for me…

    Too many crumbs.

    If I wanted my bread hard and crunchy I’d just leave it sit out for a few days.  Why waste electricity toasting it.  You know… Being the ‘green’ conscious person I am.

    

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 1618 hrs




24. This is a very interesting topic.  I should put in for a federal grant to study the issue.  Anyone want to help out with my “think tank”?

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 1628 hrs




25. I thought I was being environmentally conscience.  It’s not like I get out the lighter fluid and a pile of charcoal to start up the grill for my PB and J.  Now that would be wasteful.  Well, I mean, that is as long as I’m not making it on Texas Toast.

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 1700 hrs




26. We need a PB&J;Bill to assure the radical condiment spreaders aren’t befouling perfectly good knives or mixing in unnatural condiments like butter.  The sandwiches served to our children must be pure like our forefathers intended them.  Who knows where all this unnatural experimenting will lead, eventually people will be putting bananas and cinnamon on their sandwiches. 

    We have to assure the definition of Peanut Butter and Jelly remains the way god intended: two pieces of bread and two condiments.

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 1725 hrs




27. 3rd Way, what happens between my slices is my business.  Keep your laws out of my kitchen.

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 1951 hrs




28. Of course, all of this is complicated when the prospect of two consecutive sandwiches is introduced.  Would you put a knife that is contaminated by licking or contact with a piece of bread back into a condiment container?  Have we no standards, people? 

    The important thing is that we seal the borders of our preparation area and don’t allow any unauthorized foreigners into the process.  One must not allow meats, liquids, residual spices, or anything else to infiltrate the pure production of quality sandwiches.

    Posted by Owen on May 19, 2008 at 2006 hrs




29. The corned beef only steps in because there isn’t enough peanut butter to cover all the sandwiches.  The corned beef is just doing you a favor, Owen.  No peanut butter wants to go on rye bread.  There’s no sandwich fixin’ around that wants to go on rye bread.  We need corned beef here.

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 2022 hrs




30. Since Owen has invaded your kitchen, he will now query into your bathroom habits.

    -Toilet paper: Pulled off over the top or drawn from the bottom?

    -Sheets of toilet paper: Used after being folded neatly or scrunched haphazardly?

    Next: Your bedroom.

    Posted by Steve Burri on May 19, 2008 at 2101 hrs




31. I thought I was being environmentally conscience.  It’s not like I get out the lighter fluid and a pile of charcoal to start up the grill for my PB and J.  Now that would be wasteful.  Well, I mean, that is as long as I’m not making it on Texas Toast.

    I think if you were “really” green you’d just plan a few days ahead and toast your bread via the air-dry method.

    Would you put a knife that is contaminated by licking

    I have to be honest… I’m not quite sure I’m a fan of the licking of the knife.  CERTAINLY licking of the knife and then plunging it into the jar makes my germ-o-phobic skin crawl.

    But even just the plain old knife lick… I don’t know… Seems a bit… puerile…

    Posted by on May 19, 2008 at 2159 hrs




32. Oh, Steve.  Owen will never be allowed in the bedroom.

    Posted by on May 20, 2008 at 1147 hrs