Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Living Will

Thanks to Berry Laker, I’ve found a great living will template. 

New Living Will Form

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

______a Martini
______a Margarita
______ a Scotch and soda
______a BloodyMary
______a Gin and Tonic
_______a Glass of Chardonnay
______a Steak
______Lobster or crab legs
______The remote control
______a bowl of ice cream
______The sports page
______Chocolate or
______Sex

It should be presumed that I won’t ever get any better. When such a determination is reached, I here by instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Signature: ____________________
Date: ___________________________

(9) Comments
Posted by Owen at 1830 hrs
Off-Duty

  1. I think beer should be on that list.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 25, 2008 at 1904 hrs


  2. What kind of beer?

    Posted by Owen on March 25, 2008 at 1913 hrs


  3. Cold beer.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 25, 2008 at 1959 hrs


  4. My favorite kind…

    Posted by Owen on March 25, 2008 at 2002 hrs


  5. When you die, can I guest blog?

    Posted by james wigderson on March 25, 2008 at 2118 hrs


  6. When I die… I couldn’t care less who guest blogs… take it up with Jed.

    Posted by Owen on March 25, 2008 at 2143 hrs


  7. Eliminate all but sex and add beer and then it would be ok,

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 26, 2008 at 0823 hrs


  8. Butt sex??  Let’s keep it clean, gents.

    Seriously, though.  Am I the only one who read “pinhead partisan politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it” and thought of the Terri Schiavo case?  *shudder*

    I’ll have my martini 2 oz vodka, 2 oz gin, shaken, served with lemon.

    Posted by scott on March 26, 2008 at 1559 hrs


  9. THANKS.

    I JUST E-MAILED IT TO MY KIDS.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on March 26, 2008 at 1727 hrs


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