Clenched Buttocks Spark Fight

My question is... how magnificent are your buttocks if you can break a bed merely by clenching them?

According to a police report, the unnamed suspect rubbed a finger along the victim’s butt crack, prompting her to clench her buttocks. The victim claimed the clenching caused the bed she was sitting on to break, angering the suspect.

A fight ensued in which the suspect repeatedly hit the victim before grabbing a butcher knife and threatening to kill her. According to the report, the suspect said, “Are you ready to die?”

The alleged victim called police and the suspect fled, the report stated.

Officers found no visible injuries on the woman, who refused medical attention.

Banning Drinking on the Beach

Silly laws can’t overcome the creativity of the American people. 

The city council on Monday banned so-called “floatopia” parties where people booze it up on inner tubes offshore, closing a loophole in a beach alcohol ban.

Since voters banned drinking on the beach in November 2008, revelers have occasionally gathered a few feet offshore on Mission Bay on inner tubes, surfboards, rafts and other floating devices. The new measure, which takes effect immediately, prohibits drinking up to three miles offshore.

Speakers warned that the city was discouraging innocent fun and potentially driving away tourists. Council members said it was a question of saving lives, keeping beaches clean and sparing headaches for police and lifeguards.

I see a market for party barges that head a few miles off shore.  Of course, they could just allow drinking on the beaches where people who pass out will wake up with a bad sunburn instead of drowning.

Emergency Landing in Monroe

Missed it by that much. 

A 47-year-old pilot from Texas escaped with no injuries after making an emergency landing in a Monroe industrial park.

Margaret Hastedt of College Station, Texas, encountered engine problems while flying from Galesburg, Ill., to Portage, forcing her to make an emergency landing Saturday afternoon, according to the Monroe Police Department.

She landed the small aircraft in the 300 block of North 29th Avenue, on the city’s northeast side.

[...]

The plane was taken to the Monroe municipal airport, about a mile to the east of where the plane landed.